Closer update.

Well, it seems that once again a lot of time has elapsed since my last post on the Closer Blog. What can I say? Work is a bitch. I don't want to do it. You don't want to do it. Alfy doesn't. As a matter of fact, no one should have to do it. If someone can devise a way to live well and do no work please drop me a line. People with rich irresponsible parents and drug dealers need not apply, well at least not straight away. There is too much work involved in being a dealer anyway. Anyhooo, enough of the sermon. Time to give you avid readers an update on the state of play.

Since the last post the Wookie has raced on more than 1 occasion and has had some good results. It's all training for the big fella, training for a huge international event, an event that is named in his honour. “I have slimmed down with all my riding as a part of my training for the pie eating contest. Jess likes it. My bike likes it. Petey doesn't. He thinks pot belly's are cool. He loves standing around in his Lycra showing off his belly.”
Look for Scotty at an endurance race riding solo, as opposed to a team, as our name would suggest. Yep, he sure was quick to drop his mates when he realised they were struggling with form and ill health. What a guy.

Petrovski..... where do we start with him? I guess the main positive to come from his inability to get out and ride would be the soft landing his belly will provide should he fly over the handlebars. In the words of the great man, “In my mind I still ride.” He actually rides, we just never see it. It's usually on weekends. And he doesn't even use lights, in fact, we hear he prefers the lights off. The good news is that Petey should be fresh if he so chooses to join the Lycra lads any time soon. "When you have the brain power that I possess and don't get rewarded, it gets to you. Especially when you see inferior intellects like Wookie and Alfy living like Kings..... My life is the hardest."

Ring-In 2 is taking off to the US of A to run.... surprise surprise. He does his usual 1000km weeks combined with 8hr runs through the middle of the night. Which brings me to my next point. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU???????????????? He has had a positive impact on his landlord Alfy. Alfy has started, get this everyone, running. "It has taken a while. When I first started, I could barely put one foot in front of the other. Now I can jog without falling for at least 7km" a clearly proud and uncoordinated Alfy beamed. Personally I'm now counting down the days to the Apocalypse. What's next Alfy will start lifting weights again?.... (Eds note he has...) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Apparently Alfy expects to be benching 8KG any time now. Nice work Alfy. Keep on working on those string beans you call arms.....

Jarrod is also in training. For what, no one is quite sure, but he was spotted running the other day in his new Felt gear which he so unashamedly plugs at all times. Lets just say he isn't a svelte athlete at the moment. Not content with Petey's way of thinking, Jarrod has taken the pot to a new level.
Jarrod doing the "100m minute"
After suffering multiple near death experiences Jarrod has gone through something of a midlife crisis. He now rides a hot pink mountain bike and has been seen recently walking up climbs at different races while 15 year old girls fly by. "Hey, why ride when I can walk? Plus I jiggle less when I walk."
Hmmmm bagging myself in 3rd person... a new low for the Closer Blog.

CONGRATULATIONS:
The Wookie has proven that it is possible to bounce around on a small, hard, carbon saddle for hours on end and still reproduce...... AMAZING. It gives hope to the unfortunate female partners in the group. If you do marry one of us schmucks we may still be shooting straight.
An artists digital impression of a Wookie baby. Note pup is born attached to a bike.